Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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