And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
