When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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