I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize