White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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