found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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