If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
