Already got asked if we're dating
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
