Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
