That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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