im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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