I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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