This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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