I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
