I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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