Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
