So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm bleeding and have questions
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
