just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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