Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
