Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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