so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
