he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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