is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
