and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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