Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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