Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
