Small penises have feelings too.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
