Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
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The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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