Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
