when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
