I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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