another moral hangover. fuck.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
