i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize