sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
