she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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