it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
