I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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