You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
