i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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