She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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