we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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