Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You are the jesus of drinking
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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