im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
