Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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