I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
