We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
