alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
