But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
