Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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