I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
