At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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