I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
