have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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