I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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