I just saw a hot homeless man
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
