Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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