dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sarcasm needs its own font
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
