I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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