people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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