FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
