how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
