Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
