Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
