the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
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FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
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A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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