she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
