When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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