they need to just BURY HIM!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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