I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
