Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
