After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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