It's like God shit irony all over that family
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
