I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
