just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Houston, we have a blender
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
